i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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