Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
