I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
