Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
