never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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