i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
