I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
