I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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