words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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