She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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