I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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