She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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