this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
