On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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