How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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