No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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