I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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