I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Vodka?
Forever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
