she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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