dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
