You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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