I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
