a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
