Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
