I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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