I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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