I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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