I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
