who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize