So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
