I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
