i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
