I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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