A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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