I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
