is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
