I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize