On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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