hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
