Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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