Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
