well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
