You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
