I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize