what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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