her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
