Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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