She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize