Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
