it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she pinky promised me she was 18
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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