she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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