The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
