i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
