i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
