So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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