Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
