He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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