Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she told me i tasted like america
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
