this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
