I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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