i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
