she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
