Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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