nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
