I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can I color on your dick again?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize