my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
