dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
