i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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