i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
