She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
