I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i came on her dog
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
